I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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