what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
