dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
