his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
