He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
