Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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