would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
