oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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