Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize