thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
