just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
