I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
