i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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