all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
