the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
God, I missed his penis.
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