How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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