I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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