you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize