i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
