first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
