I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
