I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
