Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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