I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
