What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
