Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
