the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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