so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
