Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
