Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
wow bdsm is so cute
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
