go do what you do best...puke behind churches
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
