My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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