i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
