So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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