Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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