I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
