I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
