I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
