then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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