The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize