He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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