I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize