somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
