Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
