so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My vagina is officially offended.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
