I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
