$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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