dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
