just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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