Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
