hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
