tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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