Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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