My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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