what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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