Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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