shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize