So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
