OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize