New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
