You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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