I'm going to jail i love you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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