so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
