a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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