so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
