Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
