god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
someone owes me an orgasm
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
