if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
