Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
